Calm Amongst the Chaos

Dear Mama of Littles (me) with love from a mama of bigs (also me):

Many people are going to tell you that you are going to miss this. And yes there are many things you will. The dimples in their hands. Their fresh bathed right before bed smell. Their giggles. The hilarious things they say. The way they dance like no cares. The way they snuggle into you in the early morning hours under a blanket watching Paw Patrol. Yes those moments are imprinted in and you will miss them. But can I tell you something? Only something I feel a mama that has started all over again can tell you.

Shhhh…. lean in …..are you ready?

There are sooooo many things you are so not gonna miss.

Like seriously not miss at all.

There are nights I go to bed muttering my mantra that I swear will get me through. The days are long but the years are short. Over and over again. I know this. I emotionally and physically know this, I know they grow fast. But I also know physically how long days the days can be. Too mother trucking long. And yes I love Jesus and he knows my heart is good but he also knows sometimes I say mother trucking because no other words will explain the gravity of HOW LONG SOME DAYS CAN BE.

So I thought you would like to know that when you feel guilty when some sweet meaning mama tells you “you’ll miss that” just know she forgot a whole lot of crap. Like a ton.

You are not going to miss abandoned carts at Target because you are not buying that toy and you are also not even going to deal with meltdown in public. You can scream in the car seat. Oh yeah you will NOT miss car seats.

You will not miss the ability to leave your jewelry out. Your make up out. You will not miss your living room looking like Toys R Us on their last day. You will not miss goldfish all over the floor of your minivan. Even though bless your heart you swore they would never eat in your car. They are animals and sometimes throwing goldfish at them is pure survival. And maybe you’ll even miss that minivan, but I doubt that because sliding doors, enough said.

You won’t miss dealing with irrational, non negotiable little humans that you can’t even walk away from in the middle of it all because they need to be supervised at all times. At all times because they are little kamikazes without mission, other than testing moms boundaries made just for their survival. They have no respect for life. None.

You will not miss the sleepless nights and diapers. Ain’t no one gonna argue that.

You won’t miss going out to dinner leaving a ridiculous tip just to apologize for the disaster left in the wake of your families existence in that booth. You may even suffer PTSD from some dinners out gone very very wrong.

You won’t miss the inability to just run to the store for just one thing. Oh and travelling. Oh my goodness you will not miss the anxiety travelling with littles induces.

The list goes go on and on. I’ve been up since 4 am because my 2 year old went screaming out of her room looking for me in all the ridiculous places she thought I might be at 4 am.  Like maybe in the living room. Or maybe the kitchen. Yet never once did she think maybe I was in my room, SLEEPING. So after being jolted awake I was done for. So now I sit on my computer thinking of all the reasons having littles is one of the hardest stages. Yet all the while now I am getting texts messages from my 8th grader who doesn’t want to go on a field trip today she committed to. So while I rationalize with her about commitments and responsibilities, by text at now 5:40 am (why?) I am thinking maybe just giving her a sippy of milk and telling her to go back to bed would be easier than this.

Because that’s the way it goes mama. That’s the way it goes.

A couple days ago I ran into a beautiful mama of one week old twins who also had an 18 month old at home. She had make up on and was strikingly beautiful. I told her multiple times because I looked homeless per my usual. We were chatting and she said she couldn’t wait for her twins to be the age range of our Irish twins, who at the moment we literally screaming to go back into the exam rooms for another sucker and I so badly wanted to say to her oh girl no you don’t. Love on those tiny bodies. Love those little mouths that don’t talk back. Breath in that smell they will never ever smell like again. Enjoy them being safe strapped in a seat while you shower. But I did not say any of that because I too have forgotten what it is really like to have a newborn and that was only 2 years ago.

Because that’s the way it goes mama. That’s the way it goes.

I know boo boos are easier to kiss away than broken hearts. I know watching them ride their bikes is far easier than watching them drive a car. I know saying no to them not trying to climb over the banister so they don’t die is easier than saying no because we don’t think this is the best thing for you even if all your friends are doing it.

Yes there are many things you won’t miss. And I vow to never tell a mama they will. Yes you will look back at photos and remember the good because that is how it works. And that is the best way for it to work. And maybe you’ll think they were simpler days when they were little and maybe they were, and maybe they weren’t. But the memories will be sweet and forgiving and it is why so many tell the mamas they’ll miss it. But lest us not forget the list of things you will not miss is long and that is OK. It’s actually super duper OK. Each stage is seasoned with so much goodness and so much hard. Being a parent is for sure the hardest thing we will ever do and knowing the responsibilities we have to send them off into the world that will totally crush every bit of our soul, but we still have to do it, makes it all the harder.

My take away is this. Accept the hard. Remember the sweet and try not to be too hard on yourself along the way. It’s OK to mutter I will NOT miss this. Not today. Not ever.

And it’s also super OK to say after a long really great day. Dammit I’m gonna miss this.