Calm Amongst the Chaos

Mama of 5 seeking calm in the chaos

“Instant Family is the perfect combination of hilarity, reality and it’s so heartfelt. It’s as all the forces came together in perfect harmony for this movie.”

Last night I was given the opportunity to attend an advanced screening of Instant Family that included a Q&A and meet and greet with Sean Anders afterwards, thanks to my new position as a contributor for East Valley Mom Blog. Boy was I thrilled! I had seen previews for the movie and couldn’t wait to see it.

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Every time I am trying to find a place to park I want to run for city council. My ONLY opposition will be to change the parking lots handicap parking to have some van accessibility access only spots and they should be in the middle of the lot so no one wants them. Leave the regular handicap spots up front. Just give us wheelchair van folks more yellow spacing lines. Oh and while I’m on city council I’ll make it a felony to park in the yellow spaces and it’ll be a life time sentence of community service patrolling parking lots. Oh just kidding. Or am I?

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“On Saturday, he ate through one piece of chocolate cake, one ice-cream cone, one pickle, one slice of Swiss cheese, one slice of salami, one lollipop, one piece of cherry pie, one sausage, one cupcake, and one slice of watermelon

That night he had a stomach ache.”
― Eric Carle, The Very Hungry Caterpillar

 

Life lately has had a difficulty factor of an 8. (and if I come across a recipe with that kind of ridiculous hardness, it’s a hard no) And it’s not like we aren’t used to hard. I like to say we swim upstream in hard, but this is different. We are swimming in change and I do not like change. Not one bit. I do not like change in a car or on a plane or in a truck or on a train.

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Andi had an away volleyball game the other day and her team was winning yet again. Her 8th grade team is undefeated and they are killing it this season. I was not paying the greatest attention because the littles are obsessed with the bleachers and they were running up and down them like the wild hyenas they truly are. The 3 of us finally compromised on the very top row of the bleachers while my desire was to sit with the rest of our family on the bottom row. You know compromising with two 2 year olds is a little more yin than yang. Whatever, it’s them telling me where to go and me crying please if you just sit there you can have my phone and all my money and all my gum. You can have anything in the world if you just sit here and let me watch a few minutes of this game.
I’m sure you get the gist. Toddlers are a gift to us. Eat them up.

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I only allow myself to do this once, one time a year. One time and not on her actual day. I am allowed to cry. I am allowed to just get it all out. I can have my fit, wash my face and move on and celebrate. But it seems like August 27th every year is the day I just want to punch life in the face. 
I know the gifts I have been given. I thank God every day for another day with Lily. Always. 
But birthdays are hard. And friends… 16. 16 is like a punch in the gut.
16 is the year I always seemed to referenced when I would think of the nevers. It always seemed to be more focused on the big things. Driving, boyfriends, prom, college visits… gah. The place we expected and the place we are now. 

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August 1st 2018 our family officially grew by 4 feet! Nordy party of 5 became the Nordy party of 7 and we are blessed beyond measure to have added Alfonso Maxwell and Isabella Rose to the Nothdurft family forever.

Thankful to my friend Ashley for these incredible shirts!

 

Absolutely adore this chalkboard by my friend Lisa Chalked up Charm

My heart exploded the day we met each of them as it did when we met Lily, Andi and Oliver for the first time, but I also tried to hold them at a distance as I knew they weren’t “ours” as we knew for a true successful foster care story the end game results with the kids going home to their rehabilitated parents. On paper this makes perfect, beautiful, redeeming sense.

In this mamas heart that idea was excruciating.

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I played basketball all the way though Jr High and High School, it took years to be semi decent at it. I was always yelled at by coaches to be “more aggressive”, to “be a tiger”, but it was hard for me to do that. Aggressive is not an adjective used to describe me. As I got older and more experienced I got better at basketball and although offense was definitely an easier side for me to play, I did get better with my defense. I got stronger, I learned how to box out and I have an enormous reach making blocks one of the best skills I had. It was fun, I played with my best friends and I have nothing but awesome memories of the sport. I still remember so clearly however one day after a game I was red faced, sweat slicking my hair back and I was talking to a friend who said “I just love watching you play, you are so graceful”. I was like what? Did you see my points? My blocks? I was hustling all over that court and you thought I looked graceful? I still chuckle thinking about it because in my head I was the tiger out there I was trained to be and yet from everyone else’s vantage point I was a giraffe leaping around the court.

 

I am not complaining. It’s not like she compared me to a bull in a china shop. Being accused of being graceful is not an offensible crime. But I didn’t want to be seen graceful. I wanted to be seen tough.

 

This is still my lot in life.

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