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Calm Amongst the Chaos

Mama of 5 seeking calm in the chaos

mental health

40

Kim Nothdurft

January 13, 2019

Not feeling 40 at all. Not who I expected to be at this age.

Categories: hard stuff, Uncategorized•Tags: disneyland, mental health, special needs, turning 40•

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Kim Nothdurft

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It’s hard to find one picture that explains Andrew but this one is so special because what what it took to get there. Andrew has stepped into his dad role at 20 years old and it was a deep plunge with a daughter with a severe disability. Then we just kept going 😆 Andrew has always put his family first. His kids can never say he wasn’t around. He is their biggest supporters and fan. He wants nothing more for them to be good humans that follow their passions. He set a perfect example of this and nothing teaches better than examples. He packs a car like none other. He cooks a steak better than Ruth Chris. He makes us all laugh. He loves us hard and I am grateful 💙 happy Father’s Day Andrew 💙 @aznordy

June 17th is CDD (cdkl5 deficiency disorder) day. Not really as exciting as a birthday though right? Are we celebrating? Are we mourning? Are we just saying it’s a day we want you to see what we live every day? I honestly am not sure. But since today is CDD awareness day I thought I’d share something I haven’t wanted to share but because it pertains to what this disorder has taken from Lily and it being June 17th I will. I used to think seizures were the worst thing that this disorder brought but for me it’s how it’s stolen her voice. I mean Ariel struggled for a couple days without a voice. I mean she almost lost her prince to a fraud with her voice. Lily’s spent her entire almost 20 years virtually voiceless. She relies on us for her voice. Can you even imagine your mom speaking for you your entire life? I love my mom deeply but we think very differently and we know this because we have this beautiful ability to use our voice to express ourselves. A couple weeks before school let out we had an incident at school. I won’t share details because it’s unnecessary but the overall feeling was ick and anger for our girl and the biggest reminder of her inability to stand up for herself. To speak for herself and while it’s something we are always aware of under the surface but to see it in front of our face. To feel it for her and in our guts it is a whole different thing. CDD took away that one right everyone should hold equally. We will never know what Lily really thinks. We will never know what she really wants and that is the hardest thing this disorder will ever have dealt. Maybe we spend the day in silence. Maybe we spend the day trying to communicate with no voice. No hands. No purposeful movement. I know I wouldn’t last 2 minutes. Instead let’s use our voice for good today. And every day because if we can. We should. #cdkl5awareness #cdkl5 #cdd #cddawareness

6 years ago our world changed when we said hello to the baby with the green helmet and huge gummy smile. When I opened the door, he smiled and reached for me. We were technically strangers but it was like we were always waiting to hold each other. We never take a day for granted with this boy. He’s pure golden goodness. I know life started rough. I know he has suffered huge losses and we will always honor his birth parents. We also are thankful it was our home that was fit for him the minute he needed one and I’m thankful he’ll forever be our boy 💙 happy 6th nordiversary

I feel safe saying Bella had a great time at cheer camp this week #cheer #5 #summer

We were talking at the table and she said she needed to go to the bank and deposit some cash. I said just go thru the ATM and she said “are those open 24 hours?” I looked at her and said “yeah” like duh and she said “don’t look at me like that. I didn’t know that. How was I supposed to know” and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I apologized and she was like I was kidding and I said, “no, you are right. I haven’t taught you that. How can I expect you to know things you haven’t been taught”. I remember so many times being reprimanded in my life for doing something wrong but I was never told otherwise. While I do believe we can learn a ton by trial and error and probably because that’s how I’ve done it most my life but maybe we can do a little more trial and less error with better tools in our tool belts. So this last year we have with this girl under our roof 🥺 she’s gonna get lessons about adulthood that we’ve paid for by existence and she is now inheriting 🤍 #parentingteens #momofteens #lifelessons

I was a little behind schedule with so much travel and sickness BUT still hit it before June 👏🏼👏🏼 I can say assuredly that joining Burn has been the best thing for me! Physically and mentally! Can I hit 250 this year? 🤞🏼#burnbootcamp #burn

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Topics

adoption
fostering
God
hard stuff
Motherhood
special needs
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