Calm Amongst the Chaos

Mama of 5 seeking calm in the chaos

When guests showed up they saw signs displaying “Foundure for a Cure”, we added the “” in order to make it look like it was a poetic spin on the words on Fondue and Cure, but the truth is it was a big ol mistake that made us all laugh. And now the joke will always be… I love fondure!
We had approx 75 overly generous guests that helped us raise over $4k! The food was good, but trying to serve fondue for a large crowd may be more hassle than it is worth, next year BBQ for a Cure! We had music, dancing, silent auctions, we had a blast and raised money for an awesome cause! Can’t wait to do it again!
Still waiting for pictures to post since well we all know what happened with mine… RIP Nikkon…. but will post when I can.
Life has been on the fast track lately and I keep saying I am waiting for things to slow down, but since that isn’t happening, I guess I just have to work with it.
Lily has never been sicker or more miserable than on this diet. Ok with the exception of ACTH steroid. This diet sucks and I am ready to pull the plug on it. I think I have been more patient with it than any other times concerning diets, but she has thrown up 3x this month. Lily goes years with out throwing up, this month it is almost weekly. She has gone on three food strikes. She is not happy. It is not working. We see neuro and dietitian on Thursday but I know there is nothing they can say to me to keep her on. I know my girl and I know this isn’t working. We haven’t even seen a slight improvement in seizures, actually quite the opposite. We have a different suggestion we are going to discuss with neuro. I am fully aware her (neuro) next step is completing the corpus callosotomy (brain surgery) and I am not ready to go along with that plan. We still have one more suggestion. I will discuss further when I know it is a go and everything is set in motion. All we have to say is that no one can judge us for trying each possibility before cutting my baby’s brain. No one.
Andi Jane had her first experience with a personal death and that was her beloved guinea pig, Elmer. We had to put down our dog Hailey when she was 4 and she didn’t really get it. I think she cried because her mama was an inconsolable mess, but at 4 she didn’t quite get it. She had Elmer just one year, he was her birthday gift last year. He lived in her room and he was rather cute. I was the one who had to clean out his cage and make sure he was fed and had water of course, but she loved him. It was really quite sad, I kept going to feed him and saw he still had food and water, I asked Andi “are you feeding him and giving him his water” she said she was. After a couple days I say, “Are you sure you are feeding him every day” since nothing had moved and she said she only fed him once. Days ago. So when I realized he wasn’t eating or drinking it was too late. The girls went to school, I went into her room to check on him and dead as a doornail. I am not one who can handle death. Like I refused to touch my grandparents in their caskets. My dad told me I should touch my Omie that it would give me closure, but I just couldn’t. I looked like a character on Friends and I know it isn’t funny, but I’d try to touch them but I just jerk my arm back. I just couldn’t do it. So imagine me with a dead animal. If I can’t handle my grandparents, I certainly cannot handle a dead animal. I call Andrew a little panicky that he needs to get home and handle this situation. He does. He put him in a box with a picture of Andi next to him and buried him in our garden. The entire day I was in knots knowing the heart break I have to deliver. Oh man…
She got home from school, she was hyper. She was fighting with Oliver. I just let her go crazy. Doing gymnastics in the living room, running in circles….she was like an unleashed dog and I just had to wait for her to chill out before we had our talk. Finally I said “Andi I’d like to talk to you in my room if that’s ok” and she said “ok” nervously of course, she had been running like a feral animal so she must of thought we had to sit and talk about control issues, again. I had to break it to her. It was awful. So so awful. Andi Jane cried when we released our butterflies last year that we had since caterpillars. She has the biggest, softest, squishiest heart of all the people I know. She will save this world or die trying. So this was crushing to her. Now on facebook I had people tell me to swap animals. Andrew told me to tell her we gave him away. Tell her he ran away. I knew those were all options but these are the things that weighed me. I am all for truth. It is a known fact that one of my life quotes is there is no truth worse than your lie. I do not lie. I do not take lies from others. So I was not going to lie to her. Another issue was having a pet as a child is a learning experience. They learn responsibility. They also learn that there is a life cycle and eventually they will die. Especially those type of animals. And one other point was… I was a little glad to not have to clean out that darn cage every Saturday anymore. See truth. Just comes out.
So I told her and her heart broke. I know this because she said and I quote “mom did you hear that crack when you told me this news? Because that was my heart breaking.” It was the suckiest night. She had to call all her grandparents to break the news. The worst was listening to her call her Grandpa Steve (Gma and Gpa N were here visiting her last year for her bday when she got Elmer) she just started crying and a man as tough as rocks melted when she cried to tell him the news. It was gut wrenching. That night she cried herself to sleep and I have to thank God she woke up with pink eye. I thought it was from crying, but it didn’t take long to realize she had indeed pink eye. It was a blessing because I was off of work that day, had already planned Oli to go to the sitter so I could get errands ran for fundraiser and Andrew’s upcoming 30th birthday she and I had a wonderful day together. There were moments she would just burst into tears saying she could have loved him better. Fed him more. Should have told me he wasn’t eating. And she should have, and I believe a very valuable lesson had been learned. A sad, awful lesson. But she has recover gracefully. She still goes to his grave each day to talk to him. I can’t tell you how beautiful her eulogy for him was that first day. I was bawling watching her. And I really was glad to not have to clean out that cage anymore but watching her I had wished I was able to dig him up, blow in his mouth and made a Lazerith out of that guinea pig. I wanted to run to Petsmart and get another. But I didn’t. I let her grieve. And as much as it so sucked, I think I did the right thing. I must have because isn’t the right thing to do always ends up being the most difficult?
Needless to say life has been busy. Lily not well. Andi broken hearted. Oli was really sick for 2 weeks, oh both the girls had pink eye. Oh and a fundraiser. Oh and Andrew’s 30th birthday! Plus trying to make some big decisions in our home right now.
But I have three beautiful kids! One is going on the potty now! I have kids that make my heart burst with pride. I have a husband that makes me laugh. A husband that makes me stretch myself more than I’d like, but is always challenging me for the better. I have awesome nieces and nephews. I have an amazing sister and brother in law who opened their home to 75 people and without them I never could have had that kind of fundraiser. I have amazing friends who step up to the plate to help me. Who make me laugh. Who make me smile. And I am totally winning this bachelor game I am in which is like fantasy football but for girls who like to watch The Bachelor 🙂 Life is Good! You just have to hold on tight and enjoy the ride

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