Calm Amongst the Chaos

Ever see Stand by Me? You have to have seen Stand by Me! I love that movie. Just recently it was on Nick at Night and we watched it with Andi Jane. She loved it too. How could she not. Such a great movie! But as I watched it I paid attention to things I didn’t as a kid, of course. Kind of like the first time I saw Grease as an adult and thought, holy crap my mom let me watch this movie… over and over again!? But I digress; I watched the movie and paid attention to Vern. Cute Vern with the buzz top that brought on this big adventure a comb and 7 cents, a comb for hair that he doesn’t even have, and 7 cents. We all laugh at the irony of this fact. You are going over night with friends on this huge adventure. An adventure bigger than anything they had ever done in their 12 years of life and no one brings food. Some bring some money and supplies, but Vern, Vern brings a comb and 7 cents. And maybe the reason I take so much notice to this kid is because I am this kid.
 I am a 33 year old (for a little while longer at least) woman, wife and mother of 3 who brings 7 cents and a comb on my life adventures. I say more often than not, wish I had some wet wipes. Crap I don’t have a diaper. Lily is 10. There has never gone a day she has not required these two items. Yet more often than not, I don’t have them with me.
I make sure Lily gets her meds 2x a day every day. Yet I can’t remember my thyroid pill I have been taking for over 20 years each morning.
They threw a wedge in my plans and rx Lily a med only for night time. Last week we went up north and I remembered her daily meds, but forgot that blasted night med.
 I can go to Target 4x in one week and still end up running there on Saturday, the day of a party to buy a gift.
People say I handle my life so well. They say “I don’t know how you do it” and I say. “I don’t!” I don’t do it. I just manage to scrape by. I scrape by with a comb and 7 cents.
This has been the craziest time of my life I think. Closing on one house and trying to fix up the old to sell. Thinking of boxing up everything, yes thinking not actually doing, planning a garage sale on Saturday, helping Andi prepare for her co-joining bake sale that day. Helping with a project at church (which I am totally excited about helping with) oh and preparing for Oliver’s tonsillectomy and adenoidectomy on Monday amongst the moving and such.
Oh yeah and Halloween is tomorrow. I have to take them trick or treating.
 Lily has an appointment with orthopedic on Thursday and I am more nervous than I put on because I know her scoli has gotten beyond manageable and we will need to do something this appointment. Plus her wheelchair is pathetic and she needs to go to wheelchair clinic.
 I am breaking out because of all this stress. All this crap I am trying to do with just a comb and 7 cents.
But last night I read a blog about a precious girl, a girl whom we have never met but lives a parallel life to Lily, we have friends in common and even the best pre-k teacher (in the world) in common and she is hanging on to life in hospice. Her family is trying to scurry up all the hugs and kisses they can get from their 7 year old daughter in these last moments with her and my heart breaks.
I look on the news and my facebook feed and see people’s homes washed away. Lives turned upside down by mother nature, and my grandpa, the only living grandparent left and I hear stories of how he can’t remember everyone’s names. His mind is a jumbled mess and one congruent thought is hard to manage.
So today as I worry and stress about my inability to micro manage my life, I have to let it go. I am not who I want to be. I am never going to be a Pinterest perfect mom. I may always just survive my life and never perfect it, but I realize the things I do have are here now. They may all not be here tomorrow. So I urge you to pray for those whose homes are devastated, I ask you to pray for the nursing homes with people trying to remember yesterday and I ask you to pray for this precious girl and her family. I pray that you ask God to place his ever loving, precious hand on their family and give them the peace they need right now. And count those blessing of which you do have. It isn’t always easy when you feel ran down, but we will always be blessed beyond more than we will ever know. I read about friends of ours who moved their family to Haiti on a mission for God and they don’t have hot water to bathe in. Hot water is a blessing! Sending Lily to school today was a huge blessing. My husband and baby boy coming home today is a blessing. My in-laws coming to help out these next few weeks is a blessing! We have so many blessings, even when we don’t see them, they are there. Count them!
 You may not feel so perfect either and that’s ok. I have a father who loves my imperfections and I know he loves yours as well.