Calm Amongst the Chaos

Mama of 5 seeking calm in the chaos

One day scrolling through my news feed  as I often do, and I stopped at a black and white photo of a snugly  chubby baby sleeping with the words “slow down mama” on it and I stopped and looked hard at this picture. These days anything with a baby is gonna make me stop, it doesn’t really matter what words are attached, or at all. If you have recently had a baby and we are Facebook friends, know I am stalking you. My baby just turned 4. He’ll eventually be in a booster seat; he hasn’t worn a diaper in a year. He talks about beating up bad guys nonstop and really thinks he is a power ranger. And what’s not even fair is how he never was a baby. The dang kid crawled at 5 months. Pulled up at 6 months! Yes you better bet your bottom dollar that I was thrilled he was well and more than fully able to do things his sister couldn’t  but it would have nice for my “baby” to have been an actual “baby” for more than a few months. So yes my ovaries cringe when I see a baby. I am looking forward to this new place in life with my “littles” being more independent and going back to just having Lily be the one whom I must care for in a way that is similar to an infant, I know this is good, but it still hurts knowing my baby days are over. Had Andrew not gotten the whole snip snip I would be begging for another and I know it isn’t what we need, but my want is stronger than my sense of need. So it is a good thing we made the decision when we were of sound mind and during a time of sleepless nights and knowing we are done done done with that phase.

So I was looking at this photo. The baby reminded me of our girls, they were both so robust and dimply and just amazingly precious, Oli too, but he has always been a skinny man J, there is something about a chubby baby! So I look at this picture and read those words “slow down mama” I am reading words on my news feed on my phone while Andi is watching TV, while Oliver is playing Power Ranger, and while Lily is rolling on the floor. I am mindless to them. I think oh how I wish they were babies again, not realizing this phase too is passing before my eyes. Oliver won’t be a 16 year old playing Green Ranger beating up bad guys (well I hope not at least); Andi will be off with friends, or away in college… not an arm’s length away and Lily, well with Lily I don’t ever want one day to pass I regret missing a chance to just snuggle her.

Slow down Mama.

But we are busy right? We have sports practice and games, we have therapy and Dr. Appointments, tutoring, we have wheelchairs to maintain and groceries to buy, dinner to make and friends to keep up with. Date nights we wish for and books to read and news feeds that need to be paid attention to. Right?

Slow down Mama.

I wake up with a million things to do day and lay down at the end of my day exhausted, watch mindless TV, scroll on my phone, play words with friends and wonder did I ever even acknowledge my God today? Did we chat at all? Did I do anything with our kids that went beyond their proper care? I’ll do it tomorrow I mutter to myself to help pacify the guilt that grows in me.

Slow down Mama.

I look at my calendar for each week and want to cry uncle. I look for things that I can give up and find none.

Slow down Mama.

I know there are lots I can’t change, but I also know this is my life, my marriage, our kids; I can do things with intention when I am able to do them. I maybe can’t change the appointments, the therapies, my job, the sport events, the tutoring, but the time in between I certainly can change. Car rides with discussion, dinner time conversations.  I don’t want my 4 year old to say at lunch, I can play with my phone too it’s time to put down the phone.  I can go to sleep earlier and not spend my time on mindless TV, which can help me to wake up earlier and spend time in the word. Maybe walk the dogs. Get back to exercising? Nah. But it is time to slow down Mama. I hear it loud and clear and the time is now to do it. I don’t want to look back with regrets of nonsense time suckers. I want to look back and smile thinking about the messy table with valentines on it, crafts that were made and cookies that were baked. We are given just a certain amount of time and wasting it would be a tragedy.

This lent season and moving on into this season of life my mantra is “slow down Mama” and I intend to.

One thought on “Slow Down Mama

  1. brandii says:

    this is one of my favorite posts of yours 🙂

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