Calm Amongst the Chaos

Mama of 5 seeking calm in the chaos

I have not written one line since November. Ok well besides facebook one liners, those seem to be all I am able to accomplish lately. Writing makes me happy. Writing completes me so I guess lately, I have been incomplete.
I barely survived Christmas. It was the first year I begged to be over before it even began. I didn’t enjoy much of it at all. Except the day. I liked the actual day of Christmas. The rest blew. Not because anyone died, no one was sick, we are all truly blessed. And spoiled. And seriously suffer 1st world problems.
I had too much to do and not enough time to do it. I lost my husband due to a backyard makeover. Scratch not makeover… make. He made a back yard out of dirt. He literally landscaped our backyard his own self. He had some help on big job days, ie concrete, rock moving, plant planting, but all in all the dude did it himself. He really should be on TV. He is cuter than Ty Pennington, not nearly as hyper and really can create anything. But I lost him. He is a little possessed when doing projects, so when he is doing a project thru November and December, I think it is unnecessary to have to say my little Christmas elf was M.I.A. And speaking of elves… Lord have mercy on the elf on the shelf. 5 years is just too long to carry over this little tradition. I really should have had my kids closer together if only for this reason and this reason alone. No I don’t want to dress him up in clothes (!) when did that part start happening? And please stop showing funny things on facebook and pinterest just reminding me of all my short comings as a mom. He moved. Each day. The elf moved each day. I win. That is it. He doesn’t need to tee pee our entire house or turn our milk green that the kids, as well as I, will refuse to drink. Goodness sake I made the elf “funny” one night and drew mustaches on the kids pictures only to realize I … err the elf… used a permanent paint marker. You know how much I cursed that elf and how much elbow grease went into fixing that little disaster? Ugh. A lot. Then the shopping. Shopping for gifts is an excruciating exercise for me on birthdays. When only one present is required. Add a big family on both sides at Christmas and I go into panic mode each year. I never learn. I want the right gift for everyone. I just need to buy gift cards and say wall ah. But I don’t. I himmm and I haaawwww and then I wait til the last minute and then ransack Walmart and Nordstrom Rack throwing things in my cart that I don’t even care about. My bargain brain starts overheating and I drive home biting my nails thinking of what I need to sell on the community facebook page to cover those costs I just endured. 
Sigh. That was December. How was yours. Can I put all that in our family Christmas letter?
And I usually LOVE Christmas. I used to feel proud to have a birthday during Christmas week. Now I spend my birthday scouting for gifts for others. That’s not fun. I love the lights and the music and all the decorations, but this year I didn’t even hear my all-time favorite Christmas song Mary Did you Know until December 26th, and that was on accident.
I sucked at Christmas this year. And I am vowing to not again. That is my new year’s resolution, to not suck at Christmas next year. Or I mean this year. Whatever.
I said yes to too many things. I had expectations and we know how those go. But it is over. I will try again. I will slow down. Again. I will do better.
There is so much I have lacked in updating. Lily and her talker. How awesome Hope Kids has been to us. How funny and cute our kids are. How they do funny things that melt my heart and make me laugh. I get caught up in all the yuck of life. The have too’s and the want too’s and forget what it is all about.
I vow to slow down and then add an extra day at work, I keep commitments and continue to build more on my plate. I am what the boy scouts of America would tisk at, never prepared, under planned, always running, never caught up. I often feel like I need to run away, but what I really need is to get organized.
So that is what I am trying to do. Prepare. Plan. Get my crap together. 2013 was a beautiful year. A wonderful year. One of my favorites. But it kicked my butt. 
2014. I have big little plans for you. Time to re-focus, less busy and re-prioritize.

Let’s do this! I will get back on board with this blog. I need to. 2014 bring on a quiet year and I will kiss you.

One thought on “Well that was fun…

  1. Honest, powerful and lovely! .

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