Packing, shopping, waking up at 5 am every morning to get work done so you can be gone for a week, loads of laundry so we can pack, preparing schedules for the kids while we are away sounds a whole lot like vacation. But it is not. We are preparing for the zombie apocalypse, oh I mean Lily’s surgery. The one where they cut all the way down her perfect skin and straighten her spine with rods and pins, bolts and metal in her precious untouched, unblemished body. The one where we are told pain management is number one priority and pain will be very prevalent. In our sweet girl, who knows little pain and doesn’t have the ability to say mama.. it’s at a 6, it’s an 8, God forbid, it’s a 10. We have to guess at how we help her going off instincts and her cues. Obviously something we’ve done for 12 years and I am fairly confident in, yet can you ever be 100% confident in something you never hear confirmation on?
I have been at peace. Until now. My mama heart is racing. My mama tummy is in knots and my mama brain is so full it is hard to remind myself that where my focus needs to lie. It seems the only things I am finding comfort in is Starbucks and Target. I am not kidding.
But thankfully this morning I found my verse. And I read my verse and I am reminded that I don’t have to rely on myself (nor Target or Starbucks) for the strength to get through this. I am coveted by a good God who loves Lily even more than we do. Hard to imagine but I know this is true. And I know he wants to see her in less in pain than we do. Hard to imagine but I know this is true. And he will see her through this. He will see me through this. He will see us all through this. He has given me the skills I need to be here at this place now. He has supplied us with incredible support of family and friends that hold us high and pray with us and cover us and I am finding myself coming down off the edge a little bit. This is my breathing in a bag. Writing, reading, breathing in him.
Philippians 4: 6-9 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding,will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.
Thank you to those praying, supporting us via iheartlily.com and just asking how can we help. You are my heart just by being here. I may be absent, obnoxious, a space cake and all knowing all in the same moment and none of those things in the next, but you all love me thru it and thank you for continuing to do so.
I will keep you all posted on this. Probably mostly via facebook. But if you know me, you already knew that.