Calm Amongst the Chaos

Mama of 5 seeking calm in the chaos

So I am sitting in the hospital bedside with Lily. Currently. Like right now. I thought hmm I have time I could do my next post from spinal fusion, but I thought nah. That would take way too much energy.

So I am going to write about this hospitalization. Like the one going on right now.

Yesterday when I came home from work Lily’s caregiver Marrisha said she had a couple seizures and was shivering and wasn’t eating. She wasn’t Lily. I touched her head and she was on fire. She was running a fever of 103.2! Yikes! I gave her fever reducers and put her on the couch and she flinched whenever I touched her, even when I sat on the couch next to her. She obviously wasn’t feeling well. We were conflicted with what to do. If it were our other kids we’d ride the fever out a little bit at least. With Lily we don’t like to ride anything out at home. So I had to run the kids to karate and drop Andi off at church, then Andrew calls and says I think we need to take her to the ER, now. He says her tummy has a lump on it and it is obvious her pain is all localized in her tummy.
Thank the good Lord for our friends/neighbors who took the other 2 without a blink and we rushed Lily to a near by hospital, Mercy Gilbert, that just recently added a Phoenix Children’s wing. ER was packed but they got her back and in a room quickly. She got X-Ray, cath for urine sample, an IV placed, blood drawn, a CT-Scan and diagnosed and treated for UTI within 3 hours. It was quite impressive.

All the while my most favorite night of the month was unfolding… book club. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
(that’s my selfish toddler pouty self letting it all out)

And she got admitted. For a UTI. Ugh. She needed the big gun antibiotics and by 10pm her and I were once again shacking up in a hospital room.

This morning two sweet Doctors came in and said she was really constipated and has an impaction, that is probably why she got the UTI. It is a double edged sword. Poor girl. I had suspected possible UTI because her urine was strong smelling, but never showed any other symptoms so I was just trying to give her more fluids. But I was wrong. Should have called the Dr. sooner. Some times I feel like I should be fired. Life is so busy, I forget what day did Lily poop, how often did she pee? Drink? The parenting self doubt party bus sure does strike and hard when you are already feeling down doesn’t it. I should have done better. All I can do is try better from here. And here I am getting non judgmental (at least I hope so) support and help with this messy process and I am taking it and just accepting this hospital stay (that had me missing my book club and leaves 4th of July in Greer up in the air) as God’s interruptions. I’m busy. As much as I vow to slow down, I don’t. Every day I’m hustlin. Really maybe less gansta as some hustlers, but I really feel like I’m always hustlin. I want every day be cuddlin. Not hustlin.

Don’t get me wrong. I started this day GRUMPY McGrumpy Pants! For sure! I actually was 2 seconds short of posting this status “Can I just not have to deal with people today” I was not feeling anything devine about this cold room, enemas, miralax, poop everywhere, alarms beeping, IV’s flowing day. Not at all. But I’m here regardless how I feel about it. Andrew took the kids up to Greer, we will hopefully join tomorrow (??), I already set up a dog sitter for us so I don’t have to worry too much about the animals at home. It’s OK. It’s OK. It’s OK. Breathing that in and out. Sometimes this life can really wear on me. OK a lot of times it can. I feel like a martyr at times just giving up all I have to everyone and when I do it with a bad attitude what is it all for?

Lily was given to us, God knitted her in my womb. He knew every seizure she would ever have. He knew we’d be sitting here right now. He knows all and he knows me and for some reason he thought this precious girl would belong to me because he knew me too. He knows the selfish, grumpy, I don’t want to deal with any people, me, but I guess he also knows the me that could see his interruptions in my life and recognize them and find goodness in them and I know he is telling me I am doing the best I can for her and I will continue to do so.

Currently she is sleeping after a seizure, fever has stayed away, tummy is still tender, swollen and full even after 2 enemas, but I have been reassured she isn’t so bad she will require surgery, so that is good. I don’t know what the plans are for tomorrow, I know what I want those plans to be, but that doesn’t matter. I am trusting this is where she needs to be and will take the advice and care here they have for her and we will go from there.


One thought on “We Interrupt Your Current Program….

  1. lesley says:

    hey, you got 2 posts in there in quick succession, I wasn't prepared!! First of all, thank goodness they found out the reason for her current illness. That's half the battle, as you know. Poop is highly underrated. Haha. My sarah has to have miralax twice a day and also glycerin liquid suppositories twice a day to keep her going. It sounds like a lot but that's what she needs and now it is just routine. She needed less intervention when she was younger, but as she has grown, I have had to get more aggressive. bottom line, if she doesn't poop twice a day she starts to get backed up. Hopefully, this is just a one time thing for Lily and she gets back to her usual self. I just wanted to share that some kiddos have to poop twice a day to be in good shape.Also, I feel your frustration at not being able to do the the things you want right now. That Lily's needs have to come first. Yes, they do and we do it, but it sure is hard sometimes!!! I struggle with that frequently. Of course we love our girls and we have been given their lives, but my Lord, it can be such a challenge at times. There is no solution, but know that you are not alone in your distress. We are only human.Thanks for sharing!

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