Calm Amongst the Chaos

Mama of 5 seeking calm in the chaos

Last week started out poorly. I took all three kids on Tuesday to get Lily’s x-ray for her Shriners apt on Friday. Shriners runs a clinic one day every three months so as you can imagine there are a lot of patients, making it a long day. I was trying to be proactive by getting Lily’s x-rays done earlier. I was a dummy bringing all kids. I had Oliver eating fake plants, Andi chasing him being very loud. I had to have a guy help me get Lily out of her chair b/c there was no where for Oliver to go but in the Bjorn on my chest. Then on the x-ray table the tech said her diaper was dirty and can I take it off. Of course her diapers were in the van! Of all the times for her to poop! We had her lay on the table with a blanket over her then I had to put one of Oliver’s size 3 diaper on her to last her to the van. Lily is 55 lbs. Oliver is 18 lbs. Imagine it. After they do the pelvic x-ray they dismiss us. I say “what about her spine?” They said “there is no rx for spine”. “But that is why we have this appointment on Friday! I need her to get a second opinion on her scoliosis!” They said, “well we can do it on Friday”. Sigh….. this was exactly why I came on Tuesday so I didn’t have to spend my entire Friday there. Sigh, and double sigh. I was overwhelmed and frustrated. Tears came to my eyes. I push Lily out, Oliver in Bjorn and Andi Jane following behind. I have to put a regular diaper on Lily and then load her up into the van, banging my head in the process, saying a bad word after that. “What did you say?” asks Andi Jane, “nothing” I mumble feeling very upset with myself for handling myself so poorly and I realize that we’ll get this figured out. I always do. We’ve made it thru 7years of these frustrating situations; we’ll make it thru this one.
Dropped Lily off at school, Andi off at pre school and went home.
A couple hours later I cooled my head; I vented it out and had my brilliant idea. Lily just had a spine x-ray back in June, that was how she got the scoliosis dx in the first place and that is what I wanted the second opinion on. All I have to do is request a copy of that x-ray and bring it with us. I call and she says no problem, she will have it at the front desk so all I had to do was make that nice long drive out to downtown Phoenix and get it.
So Wed at the gym I tell bestie my plans and she says drop Andi off at school and bring Oliver to her place to nap so I can get it without the kids. 1 hour drive each way, by myself! Heaven! I could listen to what I want; quiet might be all I wanted. I didn’t have to worry about ruining nap time. I said sold and that was my plan.
I got to Phoenix and got the disk without a hitch. Feeling a little hungry I stop at Taco Bell. Right by the drive thru talkie thing is standing a homeless man on crutches. My initial reaction was to skip out on Taco Bell completely, but I decided to go on to the drive thru. I order and he quietly asks me for money. I look in my wallet and see a $5 and a $10. I selfishly refuse to give him that so I find a couple quarters and at that moment the drive thru talkie thing says “you have to leave our customers alone”, the homeless man looks a little scared and starts to walk away before I even hand him the change. I say “here, sorry it’s all I have” I lied. I drive up and apparently the employee heard me talk to the homeless man. “As long as he isn’t bugging you”, I say “I felt bad for him” the employee goes on about he has a broken leg and is harmless but so many effing old ladies say this homeless man is bothering them and he is cussing on and on about people being mean to this homeless man. If I didn’t think he had something nice to say amongst all his swear words I’d probably be offended. I get my two tacos and drive away. All of a sudden I have this huge guilty feeling, it overwhelms me and I realize that I have to give that guy my taco. This isn’t me, I know so many people feed homeless; I am not trying to say I am a saint, quite the opposite. I tend to be a bit selfish and stingy with my money. I am not proud, but I am telling you this because the feeling that overwhelmed me was foreign and relentless and even though I couldn’t find him at first, I knew I had to keep on looking for him. I slowly drive down a side road and finally see him hobbling down the road. I turn a street ahead of him, pass a park with another homeless person sleeping in and stop and wait for him to come by my car. When he does I ask if he is hungry. My heart was beating, my palms were sweating. I don’t do things like this. He looks me in the eye and with that same quiet voice says yes and I hand him my taco. A good one too, chicken fresco. He says thank you and God bless you and I drive away. I eat my other taco and began to worry if he wouldn’t like that taco; it wasn’t probably what he would order. I thought about how many times I have felt that feeling and I totally ignored it. And it dawned on me that was exactly what my pastor was talking about the pervious week. Listening to that urging voice, he said it was the Holy Spirit, you can call it what you want, but I know that wasn’t my voice. My voice says yeah that is sad, but not my problem. But at that moment, it was my problem. I look back and think I should have given both my tacos and some cash, I should have taken him to the hospital, I should have done more, but I do know I fed him. Maybe the first thing he has eaten that day, or in a couple days. This was something so simple. Cost me a dollar. And I am sure it made more of a difference in my life than his, but I like to think it is a beginning for me. I’m gonna be like George Castana and go with the opposite of what I would normally do.
Our apt on Friday with Shriners went smoothly; Andrew took time off to stay home with the other two so it was just Lil and I. The x-ray I gave them was sufficient enough, Dr said it was deceiving and while he can see why a Dr would rx a brace from the x-ray, if he just moved her around and checked her out physically he can see her scoliosis is flexible and not rigid and he would not at this present time recommend a brace. You could hear the cheering in my head after that. He said see us in 9 months and we’ll reevaluate it. So… yay! Thank God for second opinions. Thank God for the wherewithal to know to not just listen to one Dr’s opinion. And thanks to the awesome PT Lily has that fights every fight with us and knows Lily and knows what Lily is capable of and she encourages us to fight the right battles.
I know this post is long but it was a week of impact. It started feeling self pity and ended so wonderfully. If only every week could be filled with so many life lessons. Usually it is just filled with poop and boogers.

One thought on “Holy Spearmint

  1. Tirsa Baker says:

    Great post Kim. You are beautiful inside and out. Keep listening to the Spirit, feeding the hungry, and questioning those doctors! You are a great mom with some amazing stories!

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