Calm Amongst the Chaos

Tuesday the Dr. said we can do one of two things, give his ears a couple months and see if the fluid goes away or do tubes. “Tubes!” I didn’t even hesitate. We did the wait and see last year. He needed tubes last year. He’d probably be speaking a whole lot clearer had we gotten tubes last year. So 7:30am Tuesday (4/19) Oliver will get little plastic pieces in his ears and we look forward to hearing what he has to say.

ISR (survival swim) didn’t continue to go as well. Tuesday he cried the whole time. Wednesday he cried when we pulled up to the house and kicked and screamed. Thursday he cried half the time (but Daddy came and his cries weren’t as intense) and by the 2nd half when the pretty 5 year old came whose lesson is right after his, he immediately stopped crying and smiled for her and looked at her after each time he went under. (it starts so early!) Then today Andi was with us (long story about homework and missing a bus…) but he went right to the instructor, showed off with kicking, wanted to keep going to the bar and swam to the step and sat up on it. It was amazing! I am convinced in 4 weeks the boy will be swimming. What an amazing program. I was so nervous for this and honestly Wed I thought I don’t think I can do this, he was just screaming for me, but today he acted like he was the star of the show. Just showing off, being hyper, just so excited with himself. I am such a proud mama!

This week has been so filled with ups and downs. Monday I was kinda taken back by Lily’s appointment. I just didn’t expect so much to be involved. EKG, referal to Cardio, sleep study rx, pulse ox, labs, it was a lot to take in. Even when you are used to things with your child not going right, that was still a lot to take in. Right before that appointment Andrew called to tell me we got a contract that we have been wanting/needing. It will change the company enormously. We will be more profitable, but also much busier! Great news! Dr. appointment not bad news but emotionally charging. Then shortly after that appointment I had conflict and I was left with hurt feelings that I have been churning and churning and it has left me angry. I’ve realized I, as I am sure most people, turn my hurt into anger because it feels better to be angry than hurt. But now I am just feeling sad. I am not a person who likes conflict. I actually do my best to avoid it at all costs and sometimes that is what gets me into conflict. But when I look at the big picture it isn’t a big deal. I’m looking too close at the problem. Taking a step back and looking, really looking and realizing what is a big deal and it is Lily’s dr. apt, getting her VNS scheduled, getting an appointment with cardio, getting the results from the blood test in, getting Oliver’s tubes in, making sure Andi Jane feels special when she is the only one not going thru some type of medical ordeal, taking my family to a fun day event thrown by Lily’s therapy company on Saturday and spending Sunday at church and at a family reunion of some sort. My marriage is what is important. My family is what is important. My health is important. I cannot keep running through my head what hurt my feelings. Life can hurt your feelings. I just needed to get perspective on things. That is what it is all about. Perspective. I had a great night last night with my MOPS mamas, we painted our nails and drank wine. It was a refreshing night that reminded me that life is not a bad thing, bad things can happen, but I have to keep my chin up and face it.

Face forward.
Perspective.

“We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.”
Anaïs Nin (1903 – 1977)