Calm Amongst the Chaos

Mama of 5 seeking calm in the chaos

I suck at posting lately. Total suckage.
We had a heck of a time with Lily getting over that surgery. It was awful. 2 full weeks of pain and an entire week to get her to poop. It was exhausting for all parties involved. Lots of crying. For all parties involved.
She is basically back in action, yet we put her on Zonegran about 6 weeks ago and she is finally on full dose and the poor kids appetite is cashed. Like maybe some pudding and applesauce. If it weren’t for carnation instant breakfast and pedisure I don’t think she would have survived. She had to have lost at least 5 lbs and on a tiny frame already that is too much. Get this, she is again wearing the size 8’s handed down to Andi Jane and Andi Jane is wearing Lily’s 10’s. What is going on here? I don’t like this reversal. It was hard enough watching Andi Jane walk and talk by the age of 1 when Lily at 3 at the time still couldn’t do either. It was hard when Andi totally surpassed Lily’s shoe size and now clothes. I’m sure it happens with typical sisters, I’m what 3″ taller than my “big” sister and always have been a size or two bigger so I know it happens, but it still reminds me that nothing is normal here. Sometimes it’s nice to just pretend in my head our family is typical, forgetting seizures, and wheelchairs of course, but now Andi Jane is just full on growing bigger and 2 years younger. I just don’t like it. I remember as a kid wishing on every birthday cake for my brother to be “typical” or to walk and talk like us and every year it didn’t happen. I just worry that I am still doing that to this day just over my kid. My child whom I accept fully as she is, but sometimes that yearning for “normal” is overpowering even to a wise woman who understands her lot in life. Although I do understand come teenage years I may be grateful for just one typical girl 😉
Things are crazy, every day we have something else going on. Halloween is coming up then of course the holidays so I’m fairly certain time will become more and more of a luxury.
Speaking of Halloween I have yet to figure Lily out and Andrew and I will be attending an adult party (we haven’t done one since before Lily) on Saturday and we haven’t a clue as what to be. Tonight is date night supposed to be getting costumes, yet he said we’re attending an HOA meeting instead. My knight in shinning armor.
I have so much to share but they all deserve a post of their own not just a jambalaya of words and thoughts (now I’m hungry) so I am going to challenge myself to remember myself and my passion and get back to what I love doing. I deserve some writing time.
Promise to try harder….

One thought on “Tiiiimmmeeee is not on my side….

  1. georgi says:

    really cute background on your blog …love the colors!

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