Calm Amongst the Chaos

When it rains it pours, right? I wish I were speaking literally, but it’s Arizona, so I don’t even know if that is true.
I saw a note in Lily’s backpack on Friday morning, I saw it Thursday but I thought it was something about the bus and we had a date night that night so I ignored the letter until Friday morning. Then I read the letter. Apparently a classmate of Lily passed away. A littler kindergartener girl, no name was given, but Lily’s class is small, I am pretty sure I know who it was. That was such devastating news. It is a devastating life to have a child who looses classmates and it isn’t a huge shock. It is a devastating life never knowing what your child’s future will be. One day healthy the next gone. I spend so much time thinking what would I do? How would I deal? What if? I don’t want to think like that, but it is impossible to not when you have the fact thrown in your face. Devastating.
Then yesterday I got a call from a dear special needs mom friend of mine that her little girl had to be air evaced and was not doing well at the hospital. I was just in tears as I felt her pain. Her fear. I am not sure how she is doing right now, but I’ve been praying and praying and asking others to pray. I just want her to be ok. I want everything to be ok.
I want the world to be ok and every child in it to be as well. But I suppose people in hell want ice water right?
It has just been a crap couple of weeks and when I think maybe it will get better, it doesn’t. It manages to get worse. I posted on Facebook yesterday, ‘I get it Peter Pan, I get it” and I do. Why would anyone in their right mind want to be a grown up? There is nothing good or fun about it. All I can do is remind myself that childhood is and should be fun and for my kids, I will make that so it is true.