Calm Amongst the Chaos

Mama of 5 seeking calm in the chaos

This morning was a little different from the others. For starters I woke up to Oliver’s cute face. Oliver has been having a really hard time falling asleep in his new room and last night fatigue won out for me so when he came into our room and asked to cuddle I said “come here” and rubbed his sweetness until he fell fast asleep.  I woke up, saw his face and kissed it lightly before I rolled out of bed with 2 hungry, so excited she finally woke up so we can eat, dogs following me downstairs.
I catch Andrew before he leaves for work bright and early I gave him a big long hug and told him I am praying for him. We got real backed up at work and he is putting out a lot of fires are trying to manage to finish these jobs in half the time. He said thank you and kissed me goodbye.
Then on to getting Lily ready. She is always the first I get up, dressed and fed before I wake the others. This morning I sat on her bed with her. Her mood was gentle and sweet. She wasn’t whiny or sad. A lot of times in the morning she is a bit on the grumpy side, but not today.  I asked her how she slept and if she approved of the outfit I picked out. She was quiet which I took as I did well. I sat her up to change her shirt and she leaned into me. I took that as hug time and there we sat, I’d say for a couple minutes. Lily doesn’t generally hug. She will cuddle on your lap but body to body hugging typically leaves her squirming. But there we sat, her cheek against my shoulder and my hands rubbing her back. I decided to pray with her for her day and rubbed and kissed her some more. Then I said Lily we better get you ready for school and went about our morning in the usual way.
Next I holler up to Andi Jane if she is up, she was and was getting dressed. She came down stairs and I, in the mood for hugs, tackled her with a big hug that she wasn’t necessarily ready for or wanting. I said we always have time for hugs and smiled at her. She giggled. I walked her a few houses down to school and when we parted ways she hugged me hard and gave me a big kiss.
Then I woke up Oliver and he was the grumpiest of us all today, but in true Oliver fashion a couple tickles and he is over it before he remembered why he was grumpy in the first place. He got in the bath, dressed, ate a little and we were out the door. While standing at the front door of Ms. Nancy’s house we knock and Oliver squeezes my neck so hard. Like a hug that cures all type of hug and held tight til she opened to door and we parted ways.
I drove off to work thinking, I held each one that is my world tight today and if anything happened I can say I had a special moment with each and every one of them.
Then I got to work and saw a breaking news email. Said approx. 20 kids killed in school shooting (it was early, not a final report) and I said that can’t be right and read. And cried. And prayed. And I prayed that those parents had that kind of morning I had today. If nothing else I prayed they hugged their precious child that they assumed was safe in their school as they said goodbye. Please God, don’t let their morning be like some of mine where you just want to do it all over again the next day. Please God don’t let it be because they won’t have that next day.
Oh God my heart is broken. Empathy is crushing me today. Your ways are not always known and finding good amongst this much pain seems impossible. I have no words to say if I could to these families. I just pray that your will is good and you are near the brokenhearted and crushed in spirit, please let these families know you and see you in these days that the thought of leaves me breathless.

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