Calm Amongst the Chaos

Mama of 5 seeking calm in the chaos

Our family is going to Camp Land in San Digeo tomorrow!
Yup! We are going to CAMP Land tomorrow.
I grew up camping. My job was to get in the car, defend myself from my siblings who started beating on me when they were done staring out the window, era 1980’s, and play until the tent was up. Play, fish, hike until my food was made and I could eat it and to go back to fish, hike, play, then watch the tent go down and get back in the car and defend myself on the ride home.
So to say I consider a camping family vacation, with the family we made, camping does not fit in with the word vacation. To me vacation is beach, drinks, massages, shopping, dining out.
Vacation is not packing food, supplies to cook the food, bringing bedding and flashlights and heck, I don’t even know what else we need. All I know is Andrew we spent $250 at Walmart yesterday and everything he we bought was silly. We got a coffee maker that makes cover over a fire. WE HAVE ELECTRICITY. But he says we are camping. I say let’s have cereal for breakfast, that’s more than they get now, and he says no we are having bacon and eggs cooked over a flipping fire.
And I am not even talking about the stuff we need for Lily. Medication, diapers, supplies, equipment. And then the not sleeping. Oh my. I am telling you I can get lost in a sea of my despair of all the things about this trip I do not want to do.
BUT I have some redeeming qualities here, I promise, I may have inner dialogue of a brat, but I promise I am not one on the outside.
I am fully supporting this trip. I am packing, loading, obsessing thinking, not going to things I want to go to (ie my writing workshop) so I can make this trip happen, etc.
I am actually excited about it because we will be in San Diego, hello my favorite place! There will be an ocean and we are going with our life group which is a group of people we all go to church with that meets twice a month and we “do life together”. Our kids are all really good friends, we are all really good friends with a deep connection with each other and a love for Jesus. So I am pumped to be on the beach, in amazing weather, with incredible friends with my awesome family.
Honestly if I had my choice I would stay home with our dogs. I would send Andrew with the kids and stay home happily if he let me. But life isn’t all about me and my wants and my comfort.
I am giddy for this trip because the memories we will make, the fellowship we will have, and not forget each moment that this life we have is a gift! Our life is so blessed. We are blessed beyond measure. We live in the country of freedom, we love a God we have every right to love with no suffering because of it. We eat what we want, when we want. We have the blessing to have friends who invite us, others who are willing to loan/rent us stuff to make the trip easier, and family who is willing to make sure our home and dogs are all safe and cared for.
I complain because it is in my DNA. I worry because it’s ingrained in me to do so. I stress because I am easily overwhelmed. But I am also able to overcome those things that I do to myself. I am able to get over my silly issues and focus on the bigger picture and I am glad I can do this.
I made a promise to myself a few months back that fear will never make any decisions for me and I am holding true to that promise. You should have seen me a few weeks ago at Women’s Retreat zip-lining and walking on a log probably 30 feet in the air. I have the video… maybe I should share old wobbly legged me.
So all this to say, we are going to Camp Land this weekend! We will have an amazing time with great people and our kids will play, bike, run, swim and they will eat and get taken care of and they will fight in the car and all this will be awesome ways to make memories, a wonderful way to spend their fall break!
But my next vacation there will be fruity drinks and no flashlights!

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