Calm Amongst the Chaos

Mama of 5 seeking calm in the chaos

I write this sad entry, pouring out my heart, and then disappear. I assume since you all didn’t see me on the evening news you figured I was fine, so thanks for that. But man what a week. What a week. I look back at weeks like this and wonder how we survived and then realize it’s only Thursday. Last week I had a hell of a time with Andi getting her out of the house to get to MOPS and I show up and no one was there. Apparently they meet 1st and 3rd Thursday of every month. Well I swear this whole year it has been every other week so I just showed up. I even prayed on the way, please speak to me today Lord thru our speaker. I need it. Then yeah, basically empty parking lot. Andi says “let’s go to IKEA since there is no church” so I say “alright” then she tells me my earrings are a little too fancy for IKEA, but I figure we should go anyway. It ends up being pretty fun. The kids were good and I let them jump on the furniture and play in the pretend kitchens and bathrooms. Do I care if I get the ole stink eye from an old lady? So totally not! So that was fun. Then lunch in their cafeteria and on to Andi’s pre k. I guess the Lord told me at IKEA to loosen up. I wish he told the ole stink eye lady as well.
Then although our weekend was great, really great! It was also really busy, flew by in minutes not days and before we knew it, it was Monday again. I was rather bothered by someone who comes into our home weekly as she was not patient and kind to Andi and ended up hurting Andi’s feelings. I told her and she apologized, but left a bad taste in my mouth. I will not put up with it, if it happens again. Call me for the unedited version if you may, but this is the internet and I must protect the “innocent”.
Then it was a week of me forgetting to show up one place, forgetting to send gifts for teacher appreciation week. Not getting Mothers Days card in the mail on time and just not being who and what I want to be as a mom. I tell Andi on our way to pre k, after spending 20 minutes (20 MINUTES) at the grocery store getting snacks for her class, took 5 minutes to grab the snack, it took 15 for the machine to malfunction on me in the self check out. Oh my heart was racing. We were so late. I tell Andi, I am just not a good mom. She says, “Yes you are, you are a great mom”. She’s so sweet… and has no idea. But it is nice that she still sees me as awesome. Then while we are talking I am trying to make a left out of the lane, still in the parking lot and I say “you people are so awesome, thanks for letting me in” and she says “yeah people, you are awesome…but not really, right mom?” So there I am forgetting things, being super late and teaching sarcasm all at the same time. Bravo for this mom.
I know we all aren’t perfect and I will never be even close. I just hate being a scatter brain and I need to get my crap in order. I just seem to get overwhelmed when I look at my calendar lately. Thank God for bill pay online or we’d probably be homeless. Not for the lack of money, but for the lack of time to pay bills. This was just one of those weeks and I will be glad to see it go. Honestly I will be glad to see this month go. In 3 weeks I will be going to CO Springs for the Rett weekend conference, then the girls will be out of school and seriously that sounds so nice. Our own schedule. Lazy mornings. I’m actually looking forward to not sending Lily to summer school. We’ll do our own thing this summer. It will be even better! Maybe a week in Greer? San Diego?!
Andi’s boundary exception was approved and she will be going to school with Lily! I have Lily’s IEP at the end of this month and I will see if Andi can ride the bus with Lily. Wouldn’t that be perfect?
MOPS was today, finally, and it was awesome. It was a nice time to fellowship and I got to listen to one of our fabulous mentor moms talk about making a legacy with your family. I do want to make a legacy as well, and have a close family and I want to see my kids grow into awesome adults. I just gotta get my poop in a group.

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